What a martial art taught me about life
(and helped me realize that my career “plan” no longer works)
That was the day I learned how to hold a sword properly, and how to let go of the plan that made me stuck for years.
Growing up in a modest family in Vietnam, to me, means that money is the definition of stability. And stability is the definition of career success. Never have I doubted that, because everyone around me has it as their ultimate goal. So I did the same, I made a plan to reach there.
My Dad taught me about independence at a very young age, so at the time I moved to another city for university, I already started my first draft for a “successful” career. I will study hard, get good grades, find a nice job, climb a corporate ladder, earn well and have a stable career and family life from then on. That was it. That was my perfect plan and a straight path toward happiness.
The first crack of the plan happened in my third year. I did study hard. I did get good grades. I did find a nice internship at one of the biggest tech groups in Vietnam. I did get an offer to be a full-time employee. But something seemed missing. I didn’t feel right. So I took my first attempt to break THE plan. To rebel.
I quit the internship. I did something that social norms wouldn’t expect me to do. A graduate of a prestigious university where the peer pressure I could say is higher than Mount Everest, took a full-time job as a waitress in a coffee shop. I didn’t have a plan. My parents I’m sure were terrified. So was I.
It turned out to be the most memorable experience throughout my youth… until I could no longer bear the pressure and I sneaked back to THE plan. “I graduated so I’m supposed to work at this company, have this position, earn that much money or if not, at least have a Master so that I can climb higher in the future, right? What the heck am I doing here? I’m running out of time.” – I told myself.
So I left Vietnam. New country, but same old plan. I studied hard. I got good grades. I graduated in the shortest amount of time in the history of the program. I landed a nice well paid corporate job. I was promoted and the corporate ladder just seemed wide open to me. 5 years then passed and somehow…I found myself exactly where I was 7 years ago, a young intern feeling lost in her life. Exactly there.
How could that be possible? I did everything society told me to do. I followed every step in that perfect plan. I never a second doubt the definition of success I had. Was something wrong with me? Am I not good enough? I started to question my self-worth, my unhappiness while feeling guilty that I should be grateful instead. I felt unfulfilled but didn’t know why and what to look for. That insecurity, and hopeless feeling, I wasn’t used to that and I thought I’m the only one. It’s because of me.
But I took no action.
One day I came to my dojo – where I practice Aikido for the last 4 years. It is always a place I can step in with a smile and leave all the storms behind, to be who I truly am.
That day was a normal day. I came to a weapon class. Sensei was teaching everyone how to hold a sword and how to draw a nice cut (when you hold a sword above your head and try to cut something vertically in front of you).
I was clumsy as usual and instead of a straight cut, it turned into what he called a “snakelike” cut. The sword was shaken and drew a zigzag line.
Sensei was observing, smiling and then he said: “If you try to hold the sword so tight and try to control it, you will never be able to get a clean cut. But if you just loosen your grip, it will flow beautifully.”
That was the day I learned how to hold a sword properly, and how to let go of THE plan that made me stuck for years.
There is, in fact, no plan.
