MIND newsletter: Change and grief
Happy Saturday everyone! 😉
1. M (Challenge your mindset)
I remember vividly him sitting down on a couch in my office and becoming emotional when we talked about his experience of being laid off. He felt betrayed. Hurt. He thought his manager liked him.
I remember the shift in her voice. A minute ago she felt angry about how, after leaving everything behind and moving from Ukraine to start a new life here in Canada, she was being treated badly by some recruiters. Later on, she shared how grateful she was for the journey that brought out the best part in her within a such short amount of time.
Nothing is permanent except change.
Heraclitus Tweet
Change often pushes us to the edge of vulnerability – our weakest point, far out of our comfort zone. Yet right at that point also our door to a better version of who we are – stronger, more resilient and more empathetic, toward ourselves and toward others.
Change often makes me think about grief – grieving over loss during the transition: love, emotional comfort, memories, recognition, status, affirmation.
And the last 2 years have pushed many of us into a situation where the safety of our loved ones is being shaken, our secure jobs no longer feel secure, and our linear moving-up-the-ladder career path no longer exists.
Not being aware of 6 stages of grief can leave us forever stuck in the neutral zone of a transition – never really letting go and facing the unknown.
Healthline has summarized 6 stages of grief** very nicely:
- Denial: defense mechanism is on and denying is part of helping you buy some time before facing the intensity of the situation.
- Anger: a mask that is hiding emotions and pain that you carry.
- Bargaining: “what if” to postpone sadness, confusion, hurt or sometimes to ease shame and blame
- Depression: an inevitable landing point of loss where you start to create room to proceed your emotions
- Acceptance: you accept what happened
- Finding meaning: find that sense of meaning amid the pain of grief. Find hope.
**Elizabeth Kubler Ross – aka Queen of Death – first identified 5 stages in her book “On Death and Dying” back in 1969. Then 50 years later, David Kessler introduces the sixth stage after suffering from the sudden death of his son.
2. I (I’m my own coach)
Take a piece of paper and draw 2 columns:
Left column – How many changes have happened to you in the last 10 years?
Right column – How many changes do you predict to happen to you in the next 10 years?
If you are like a normal person, very likely the list in your left column will be longer than the one in your right column.
That leads to something Dan Gilbert called “The End of History Illusion” in his TEDtalk .
Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished.
Dan Gilbert Tweet
3. N (The power of Now)
If change happens now, right at this moment, what is within your control?
4. D (Do)
Say thanks to people that have always been beside you throughout tough transitions.
References and great resources:
- On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler Ross
- Managing change: Learn to thrive through change by Caroline Samne
- Schlossberg, N. K. (2011). The challenge of change: The transition model and its applications. Journal of employment counseling, 48(4), 159.
- The psychology of your future self | Dan Gilbert TEDtalk